Confession

Throughout various posts you've seen "behind the healer".  These posts have been brought on by meditative contemplation of something that happened to me and I felt the urge and need to share here.  We learn life lessons everywhere and in everything.  Sometimes they are small, seemingly insignificant things - like the need for learning patience and the ability to slow down and be in the moment when we feel rushed.  You also learn things in the knowledge you can glean from other people, those you know closely and those you don't.  What my post today concerns is something I have learned from someone I consider an inspirational mentor Dr. Lissa Rankin.

She has shown me, and everyone associated with Owning Pink the value and cost of "putting yourself out there".  The fruitful rewards of doing so and that the pay off...even if it doesn't seem worth the imagined cost...is more than worth it.  You've got to love this woman.  She lives her life O-U-T-L-O-U-D for all to see and it's surely garnered her criticism, but more than that accolades.  I can't think of a braver person of this age, and with the tragedy and change that's been going on in the world we need a revolutionary like her.

As I sat up late into the night/early into this morning I had a small epiphany.  I have not been fulfilling my goals as a healer.  In fact, I can say I haven't for some time.  When it started I'm not sure, it likely came as such a little thing or based on already set habits so that I didn't really notice or pay attention to it.  But it's grown rather enormous and monstrous and I saw it in some repercussions of some actions I undertook in my late night/early morning.  It started with a pair of clients I took on a few weeks ago.  From time to time I will take "pro-bono" cases.  While my rates for the amount of work I do for my clients are more than fair I know some people who are just not of the means to afford something that isn't covered by health insurance.  Being and having been of limited resources and means I understand this all too well and ultimately I don't think it's right to deny someone care they really could use and may desperately need over money.  In 2011 I myself had a lot of help from friends, close, casual, and complete strangers from donations of baby clothing and food, to sums of money.  I appreciate the good will given to me and I am not one to not return or at least pass it along to others.  But back to the topic at hand...I took the case and sent the paperwork I send to all first time clients, a number of forms that resemble some things you would find when visiting a doctor's office, but a number of others that you wouldn't see.  (I'm meticulously thorough.)  The aim of all of this paperwork is to give me a more complete picture without having my clients sit through an overly long discourse trying to remember on the spot every detail that could be deemed important in their holistic care.  However, given the large amount of paperwork that this would be, and having it done for a parent & child it didn't quite get finished.  Now my perspective is that I will make time for you when you make time for yourself.  Doing healing work really isn't work for me - it's part of my calling - and I have a natural knack for the doing part as well as research so I will make time when my client does.

So I put the case off to the side after finishing some initial notes and trusted that if the person in question was truly serious they'd get back to me with the remainder of the information and we'd start then.  No harm, no foul.  Well it just so happens that I spoke to the person in question last night - we happen to be good friends - and in expressing distress over something I opened my ear and offered my shoulder to them, reminding at the end that I was still waiting on starting treatment.  In short the initial information for the child was completed and a pre-liminary plan was set, with information to be gathered and feedback further decision would be made later as to how to proceed.

In starting some meditative research on the matter I chose to review some information written out by another Reiki Master I know personally, Alice Langholt, concerning Reiki and parenting.  Given the nature of the relationship I figured there would likely be something positive to glean from her writing.  Now I have had the documentation for some time, and the Reiki tradition it works hand in hand with - Kundalini Reiki - I have been trained in for several years now and yet much of the pertinent information contained within both writings I had apparently forgotten, at least temporarily.  (Such is a hazard when you put too much on your plate consistently.)  Since I had already cleared space to start reviewing my notes and writing up my initial healing plan I thought I would implement as much as possible as soon as possible too.  Additionally though, as a parent myself, I saw also that some of what I was reading could well be helpful to myself and family.  So I did healing for the four of us and set "appointment reminders" to complete some of the treatments that were done in parts or stages.  How long it all took I can't be sure not having noted the time.  But I noticed the familiar tingly, spacey feeling of energy work (as the energy rebalanced but before I had grounded) and after it settled I looked about me with amazing clarity to pin point some details that I had let mentally slip.  In realizing all of this it came to me that as of late I have not been the healer I set out to be.

Ever the caretaker I always tend to care for others before, if at all for, myself.  While this is common among those who care for others be they in the health profession or not it is also a very bad practice.  For one, how can you expect those in your care to place value on their own well-being if you don't?  For another, if you don't nurture and care for yourself you won't have the strength or energy to do so for others.

Afterwards several other things came to my awareness with startling clarity.  Things I was aware of if you asked me but not aware of in a sense of acknowledging the information in a real sense.  Being an artist for example my desk often finds itself a mess when I get in "artist mode".  I take out everything I need, whether I will be using it immediately or not, and strew it about my work space.  Add to this my monkey mind and penchant for working on a number of pieces at a time/during a day and very quickly I find my desk looking more like a small tornado hit it than anything else.

And so I add another intention for 2012, to be the healer I wish to be while accepting my humanity (and it's physical limitations) and ever striving to do better without overdoing it.

What about you?  What confessions about your health have you noticed?